The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:4-9

Our family is a circle of strength and love, with every birth and every union, the circle will grow, every joy shared adds more love, every crisis faced together, makes the circle stronger
- author unknown

Friday, April 17, 2009

Taking a step back

This has been a week of stress...... I have been dealing with a sick child, loss of a relative, and yes again the fertility battle (which I havent said alot about lately)
Sunday night I get a call about 10:00 that my step dads sister passed away at the age of 55 from a heart attack. I already had attended a funeral home visitation last week from a previous pastor who had passed at the age of 45 from a heart attack. Life here on earth is so short, it just makes you realize how you need to take a step back and be thankful for every day that you have with your loved ones! Time here is flying by.....

Monday I am up and ready for a Dr appt. that was to get me prepared to start my fertility shots. I've had them in my fridge now for several weeks and it has been killing me every time I open the fridge I see them (fridge is just to prolong the shelf life of the meds). So Im getting my blood work and ultrasound to make sure all is well and I have 8 yes I said 8 ovarian cysts. The protocol for starting the Follistim shots is that if your u/s shows cysts they cant be over a certain size. Well 3 of them were above the size so again another month of what they call "rest".
Rest, I call it depressed!!! It seems we just keep taking a step back.....
So the plan is now I am on birth control pills for this month to see if that will help the cysts to go away and then reultrasound in a month. So needless to say I came home very upset and down about all of this. Im trying desperately to keep the faith. I never planned for my children to be so apart in age.... I had dreamed of 2 little ones that would be close in age, and I can go on and on and then I was just in the shower thinking about all of this and God said to me Jennifer take a step back, be faithful, let me be in control........ why is this so hard to do??????

On another note Wed was our 9 year anniversary, Im sure you read my previous post about that. Oh how I love my husband and how he puts up with all of my "stress" he is so laid back and nothing ever seems to upset him. You think God gave him to me for a reason???? I need him during all these stressful times to calm me. Well hopefully we will be able to have a night out soon to celebrate. As I was saying on another note Wed. night about 9 pm Sam started screaming uncontrolably of ear pain, just out of no where!!! I gave him motrin but ended up having to call after hours Dr and they called in some numbing ear drops that I had to drive all the way to Madison at 11pm to get because there was no other pharmacy open while my sweet calm husband stayed home to comfort Sam the best that he could. That was a very sleepless night needless to say and the next day at Dr Dudley's we find out both ears are infected, full of pus, and the right one looks ruptured. What??? how did it rupture he just complained for the first time the night before. Now we are on Augmentin and some antibiotic ear drops. I just want my sweet boy to feel better, yesterday his temp got up to 104 and that was very scary, today has been better, so maybe tomorrow will be even more so! He hates that he's missing Tball but all Im concerned with is that he is better REALLY soon.

Ok so have you had enough of my whining and stress??? I stop and I think I know there are so many other people that are going through much much worse situations.
Please God I pray that you will help me to take a step back, be faithful and patient in you and know that all things will happen in your will.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, enjoy this beautiful weather. Sorry for the long post!


The Titsworth Family said...

Oh Jennifer, I'm so sorry you've had such a rough week. When it rains, it pours! Keep your head up and hopefully things will start to get better. I'm the same way as you...I can get all stressed out and George is always the calm to bring me back down. Gotta love our husbands! I'll be thinking about you and please let me know if I can help you in any way.

Stephanie T said...


When it rains, it seems it pours! Remember, the sun shines brighter after the rain! It is so hard to give up control and let the Lord lead! I will pray for peace for your sweet family whether it be 3 or 4 (or more :))

The HoneaBees said...

I am praying for you...and your little man too!

Amy said...

I am sorry your week has been so tough. Sometimes letting go is just so hard. I will pray for you and for Sam. Poor little man!

Hang in there!


Love my 2 BoYs! said...

Thanks Everyone!

Beth said...

Just found your blog and wanted to tell you that I wanted my 2 sweet children to be closer in age also. We started TTC when our daughter, Caitlin, was 18 months, but I actually didn't get pregnant until 3 years later! It's a hard, hard struggle, and you will need to lean on God to get you through it all, but HE will!! Praying for you and your sweet little boy's ears too!