Even though I seem to get caught up in the daily struggle of wanting to be pregnant again so bad, I still have so much to be thankful for. In the end the blessings that Ive been given are the things that matter.
Today I've been going through the motions, was cleaning out closets and of course doing alot of thinking. Does God really want me to have another child??? I want Sam to have a sibling so bad.... I feel myself getting jealous of friends that have 2 or more children and I see the relationships their children have and then I have to tell myself stop, I cant have those feelings.Im also worried about the cost of all the fertility treatments, money these days doesnt go anywhere, and Im real scared to just deplete our savings while trying to have another baby and still make ends meet. As a stay at home mom, I have been so blessed and thankful that Ive been able to stay at home but it scary to think about all the treatments and expense that continues to arise with all the fertility treatments, dr. visits...... Maybe Chad and I should just say forget it, going through this roller coaster ride isnt so much fun! Maybe we should just spend our time focusing on what we've already been blessed with. So, I'll think Ok Im gonna talk to Chad, maybe we'll just call the fertility battle quits and I just wont have this to worry about anymore, then a few minutes later, Im thinking NO, I cant do that, my heart longs for another baby.... I dont want Sam to be an only child. SO you see where Ive been going today, back and forth..... then I hear this new song by rascal flatts, "things that matter" and I just felt the need to share my feelings today. Im sure some of you may get tired of hearing this same ol story, but its what Im going through and its such a struggle and it helps so much to just get it out sometimes! I just dont want to miss out on my time with "things that matter" because Im so stressed, so worried, and so caught up in this "struggle". Please Lord give me strength to be patient and wait on your will and your timing Lord.
Just wanted to share the song/lyrics with you, dont forget to pause my playlist.
4 comments:
I know what you mean about going back and forth, wondering if it is meant to be. I have spent a lot of time lately praying about this. I talked to a friend from Huntsville last week who was telling me about the ART program. I'm just worried about the cost and the disappointment if it does not work.
I will pray for you also that the Lord will give us both the strength to be patient and wait on his will and his timing.
((Hugs))
Hi Jennifer,
I don't know you, but I've stumbled upon your blog from other blogs, and I understand where you are coming from and the frustration of wanting to be pregnant. We went through 3 years trying and after some minor fertility treatments, we were blessed w/ our baby boy, who is now 4. When he was 3 months, I because pregnant again. Talk about shock and being scared, and thinking of how are we going to afford 2 children this small. I believe God gives you what you can handle, and I've always thought of my sweet baby girl, who is now 3 as a gift and a wonderful surprise. I looked at it as such a blessing, seeing as we were trying for so long to have one and then having 2 back to back. I truly believe you will be blessed again and I know its easier said than done, but keep praying about it and I will pray for you as well.
Ashley
Jennifer,
It's just so hard sometimes when we want something so badly, and it's not happening (I remember that fertility struggle!). I will pray that God gives you peace and makes his will so clear to you.
Hang in there!
Amy
Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your struggle and that beautiful song! We only know each other through our blogs, but it is evident from your writings that you ARE truley focused on what matters most - God and your precious family! Hold on - God's will and timing are always perfect!
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